Tell Me Later
by muldy
Summary: 'It's not that the attraction wasn't there all along. She knows it was. She wasn't blind; the man was good looking, talented and a great person to hang around with. But somehow, out of the blue, it hits her in the face.'


**A/N:** Not trying to spam, just uploading all my Castle fics one at a time. This one was written in the gap between season three & four.

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><p>She's not sure what to think when she first sees him in the bar. She knows she's just there for work, but she's read every word the guy has ever written and somehow feels like she knows him.<p>

Of course she knows that's stupid. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of other people have also read every word he's ever written…published…her knowing his books inside out doesn't mean she knows him any better than she knows anyone else in the bar.

However it does give her some sort of powerful feeling that she knows a whole lot more about him than he does bout her.

She takes a breath and walks over to him.

'Mr Castle?'

'Where would you like it?'

He smiles and she knows he's cute, but it's her job to ignore those things and get on with business.

'Detective Kate Beckett. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier tonight…'

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><p>His humour is the thing that throws her the most. She's used to men, to their random sexual innuendos and inappropriate comments, but it's his actual jokes and sense of humour that puts her off her game.<p>

Of course a writer has different jokes to the usual collection of police officers and detectives that she usually hangs around, but there's something more than that.

She actually finds most of his jokes quite amusing.

For the first time in her life she thinks she's actually met someone who just says what she was thinking all along.

And she likes that.

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><p>It's not that the attraction wasn't there all along. She knows it was. She wasn't blind; the man was good looking, talented and a great person to hang around with.<p>

But somehow, out of the blue, it hits her in the face.

It's not like anything special happened. It's not like they'd almost died together in some dire situation.

She literally turned to look at him standing in front of the murder board one day and she knew.

He was a whole lot more than just a friend to her.

It's all she can think about on the way back to her apartment, and it isn't until she reaches her front door that she stops, takes a deep breath and speaks to herself.

'Don't fall for him, Kate…it's not worth it.'

For a few moments she stands there, collecting herself, then she turns the key in the lock and heads into her apartment, hoping tomorrow morning she'll wake up and the feeling will be gone.

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><p>It doesn't go.<p>

Suddenly every moment she's with him seems to speed by in some sort of insane zone of comfort, and every moment that she's not seems to drag it's feet in the most unnecessary of ways.

When she's with him she doesn't even notice how she feels. That's the thing that's confusing her.  
>Everything is fine when they're together. It's normal, as though nothing has changed, but it's the moment he stands up to leave, or that they bid each other farewell at the steps of the precinct that it all suddenly seems to come crashing down.<p>

She knocks back her fourth shot for the night, trying her best to dull all emotions.

She can't deal with this.

She doesn't want to fall in love.

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><p>There's something about dead kids that always gets to her and that night she's not entirely sure she can go home.<p>

She's halfway there before she makes a detour.

Somehow she ends up standing at his front door. She doesn't want to ring the doorbell in case she wakes the others, but she needs to see him at that moment.

She feels stupid, like she should be anywhere else in the world at that moment.

But for some reason she needs it to be him.

She knocks quietly, telling herself that if no one answers, she's leaving.

He opens the door instantly.

He's wearing a simple grey t-shirt and tracksuit pants, nothing special, and he has a pen sticking out of his mouth at an angle.

Like a writer.

She almost smiles.

'Beckett!'

For a moment he sounds surprised, then before she can speak he seems to know why she's there.

He takes a few steps forward and puts his arms around her.

She knows in that moment that she needed his arms around her in that protective way a whole lot more than she had thought she did.

They stand there in silence for what seems like a lifetime, but she's well aware is probably no longer than a minute. She can feel the tears pressing against her eyes, but pushes them back. She doesn't want to cry on him, that's the last thing she wants to do.

'Thank you, Rick,' she whispers.

'Come in,' he responds, pulling away, but his lips still close enough to her ear that his deep voice sends a shiver down her spine.

It's only after that she realises it's the first time she's used his first name in a casual situation.

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><p>She's not sure when they started hanging out. Usually it's work related, but they're not at work and it's not work hours.<p>

Constantly she finds herself at coffee shops with him, or even just hanging around at his house. She's starting to think she eats at his more often than her own.

She tries not to think about it, about her feelings, about his, but she can't help but wonder why he's spending so much time with her.

Then she reminds herself. She's his muse. Their friendship is a business arrangement for him.

She shuts it away.

Because that pain is the last thing she needs.

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><p>Kissing him completely throws her plans of pushing him away.<p>

Suddenly all she could think about when she looks at him is his arms around her, his lips against hers, the way he ran his fingers through her hair…

'Coffee?'

She jumps at the sound of his voice, then looks up at him and forces a smile.

'Thank you.'

She doesn't know what's worse; the memory playing over and over in her mind, or the fact that they were acting like absolutely nothing had happened.**  
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><p>It's weeks later, lying in a freezing, close to death, where the words first pop into her mind.<p>

She loves him. Not in the way that she loves Montgomery or Ryan or Esposito.

She's in love with him. Completely.

And it sucks because she knows at that moment there's nothing she can do to change the situation.

She's thankful for his arms around her and even in her half delusional state she doesn't miss the way he grips her like he's afraid of letting go.

They keep up conversation to prevent themselves from freezing to death prematurely, but finally she's not sure how much longer they can last.

'I want you to know how much I love…'

She whispers the last word and feels herself fading.

The moment they're outside she's not even sure if he heard it, or if she'd said it.

But the feeling inside her has increased tenfold, to the point where, when she lay her eyes on Josh, all she could wonder was what it would be like to have Castle standing in front of her, concerned, worried.

She glances at him.

The way Josh is looking at her is nothing like the way Castle is.

The look in Castle's eye is something completely new and it scares her. She's not entirely sure how she's supposed to react to that.

So she doesn't.

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><p>It was one of those tough days at work that lead to the two of them sitting in his apartment, a bottle of red wine and a couple of shots down between them.<p>

She was too old to drink this much on a weeknight, but she needs it and he does too.

'Kate…' he says quietly.

'Yeah?' she replies, staring into her drink.

'Why are you here with me and not at home with Josh?'

She freezes inside.

They don't talk about their feelings, it's not something they do. But she wants to. So much she wants to turn to him and telling him all the reasons why she's there with him and not with Josh.

But she can't.

Because Josh exists and because she's afraid of the conversation that may follow.

'I should go.'

Castle jumps up.

She looks at him and sees that thing in his eyes again that scares her so much. The look she can't stop thinking about, that haunts her every waking minute that she's not with him.

She wonders if it's normal for the best distraction from emotions to be the person causing the problems in the first place.

'Thanks for the wine,' she continues.

'No problem.'

For a moment it's awkward and then she walks him to the door.

They stand there for a moment and then he hugs her, for maybe a little longer than he should.

'Get some sleep,' he says quietly before disappearing.

She closes the door behind her and leans against it for a second.

She wants to keep telling herself she's imagining things, but the more time she spends with Castle the more she thinks that maybe she's not alone in her feelings for him.

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><p>Waking up in hospital she's not sure; not sure where she is, not sure why she's there exactly, and aware that for some reason she can hear Castle's voice looping through her mind, telling her over and over that he loves her.<p>

She doesn't know how real that is, and part of her wonders if it's just her imagination.

It's not until she rolls over and sees him asleep in the chair next to her that she knows.

It's not imaginary, she hasn't been making these things up all this time; the words running through her mind aren't wishful thinking.

And suddenly she can't push back everything she's been feeling, because the connection she's felt to Castle all along seems that much stronger in that moment.

'Rick…' she whispers, surprised at how weak her own voice is.

His eyes snap open and he looks at her.

'Kate,' he jumps up and runs to the door.

She's slightly disappointed that he doesn't run to her side, but as he tells the nurse she understands.

Before anyone else enters the room, he walks back to her side.

'What happened to your eye?' she whispers, noticing the blackness surrounding one of his eye sockets.

He smiles slightly. 'I don't think I'm always as subtle as I should be.'

They're both silent for a moment before he continues.

'Josh…' he points at his eye as though that's some sort of explanation. 'It's a long story. How are you feeling?'

'Like I've been shot,' she smiles at him, choosing to ignore the Josh comment for the moment.

Something comes over his face and she realises her joke isn't funny to him. He opens his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off.

'Rick, I…'

She wants to tell him she loves him too, wants him to know everything she had been thinking before the bullet had ripped through her, but at that moment the doctor and two nurses enter the room.

'Tell me later,' he smiles as he steps away from her bed.

She smiles back at him. It's not the right moment, but at least for now she knows, it's not all in her head, and the man she loves, loves her back to the same extent.


End file.
